Tiny Reflections: When Your Two-Year-Old Daughter Calls Herself "Fat"

On Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image

Photo by Bekah Russom on Unsplash

Nova is fat, my two-year-old daughter says as she examines her reflection in the mirror. Heart shattering. Breath paused. I become a prayer on fire. 

I kneel down, hoping I heard wrong. Her eyes, the color of wild sage. What did you just say? I ask, begging the world: don’t let her learn shame before she can spell her name. Nova is fat, she repeats, smiling. Then touches my cheek with such tenderness it sears. Momma is fat, too.

When I was just a little older than she is now, my great grandmother used to pinch my cheeks, tell me that I was pretty, but fat. Then add just like your mother. My mother’s weight gain: the reason my dad left us. He was never to blame, of course, only her and her body. Generations of women passing down the word with gloved hands: fat meant unwanted, more importantly it meant unloved. 

I’m grateful that Nova will grow up in a world with body positivity—models of various shapes, sizes, and genders. The mannequins look more and more…