The Cost of Quiet

Speaking Up About the Loneliness of Motherhood

Photo by Jenna Norman on Unsplash

In the booth at the barbeque restaurant, Nova, my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, squeals, wriggles, wrestles. Throws every ounce of tiny muscle to break free. She is hungry to explore every inch of this odd, smelly, brand-new place—a pit stop on the way home from a recent family trip.

Traveling with a toddler is like trying to hold a hurricane in your hands. I’m not just tired. I’m mom-tired. Limbs and life heavy from logistical and emotional labor. From toddler tantrums and endless scheduling. From constantly considering everyone’s needs, how to best show up for my daughter while still holding onto myself. 

It takes a lot of energy to carry a love this important. 

All I want is one second of stillness to order her chicken fingers. Myself, a soda water. To sit and exhale. But Nova has other plans. Nova’s smart. Nova’s not waiting. She stiffens her tiny body so it slides off the pleather, under the table, and toward fr…